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Pluto's identity crisis Saturday, Apr 12, 2008 By Micki Bare Once upon a time there were nine planets. Mr. Dickerson, my favorite science teacher, assured us that these nine planets orbited our sun. He displayed a poster depicting nine orbital paths. A solar-system mobile dangled from a bookshelf in the back of his classroom, presenting nine scaled down planets and a large orange ball, centrally located. Now he must redecorate with a new poster, a new mobile and new books. The powers that be have decided that there are now eleven planets. This number is up from the ten my two oldest had to learn a few years ago. Remember planet X? It is up from the nine Mr. Dickerson made us memorize decades ago. My youngest will have to learn the names of all eleven. And his older brothers think he has it easy as the spoiled baby of the family. Life was simpler when we had a sun and nine planets. Now children must study not only the sun and the planets, but the dwarf planets. You see, while there are now 11 planets, only eight are actually planets in the specific definition of the word. The remaining three are technically defined as dwarf planets, or "little" planets, as they prefer to be called. What I initially understood was that the powers that be were going to declassify Pluto as a planet, because it didn't quite meet all the requirements of a planet. But, instead, they reclassified it as a dwarf planet. Once they came up with a definition that would work for Pluto, ensuring it could retain its "planet" status with the "dwarf" qualifier, two additional heavenly bodies muscled their way in. They stated in no uncertain terms that met the same criteria as Pluto, and should also be named planets. Rather than redefining Pluto again, or simply dropping planet from its title, the powers that be decided to make all these orbs happy and call them all planets - if dwarf ones. As a result, spring science fair projects must add a couple more, albeit small, Styrofoam balls to qualify for an A+. Ceres and Eris are the new dwarf planets. I understand that they, along with Pluto, are considering a new reality show project in collaboration with the Discovery Channel. But I cannot confirm the project because representatives for Ceres, Eris and Pluto have declined interviews. Reality TV might be a good move for the group, as it will catapult the new planets into fame, making them as easy to remember as Brad and Angelina. At the same time, a television contract could provide some much needed esteem-boosting attention for Pluto. It has been quite a roller-coaster ride for poor Pluto, the planet that was threatened with a complete stripping of its identity. It is amazing Pluto has been able to maintain its orbit. Meanwhile, the eight planets that used to call Pluto one of their own are now snubbing Pluto. I'm ashamed to note that Earth is one of those. If you listen closely, with your ear aimed toward outer space, you can almost hear the faint taunting. "Watch it, Pluto! This orbit is only for REAL planets, not 'dwarf' planets." There is chaos in science classrooms as teachers scramble to find new solar system displays and posters. There is chaos in the sky as the orbiting spheres bicker over their identities and status. And there is chaos - though not confirmed - at the networks regarding who will get top billing for new reality show. If I were among the powers that be, I would suggest that we simply call everything in outer space heavenly bodies. Then I would let science students hang as many Styrofoam balls from a hanger as their imaginations desire. Somewhere in the vastness we call outer space there is probably a solar system that looks just like anything a child's mind could create. ------- Micki Bare is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau and the Courier-Tribune in Asheboro, N.C., and author of the book, "Relative Expressions." She lives in Asheboro with her husband and three children. Her e-mail address is mickibare@inspiredscribe.com. |
