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Adoption shouldn't be exclusive to babies and puppies Saturday, May 10, 2008 By Micki Bare When we hear the word adoption, we tend to think of cute, parentless children who need a family of their own. We picture Little Orphan Annie or abandoned babies in Third World countries who appear on riveting prime time investigation shows. Those of us who do not conjure images of children at the mention of adoption are thinking instead of kittens and puppies that need a fenced yard and loving owner. But we don't normally think of grandmothers right off the bat. There are not a lot of stories of lonely grandchildren-less women who need a family to take them in and adopt them. And that is why, in honor of Mother's Day, I am sharing just such a story. "When you are adopted, it means someone loves you very much and makes you a part of their family. This is very special." But this story is about Polly, who lived happily with her mother, father and sister. Had the story ended with, "and they lived happily every after," as most tales do, Polly would have had it made. But Polly wasn't a princess. And while the beginning of her story seemed like the start of a fairy tale, the plot would thicken. Eventually, Polly grew up and got married. She was very sad because she and her husband didn't have any children. He wouldn't adopt a baby, and that made her even sadder. Polly's image of adoption was the same as most. She knew it to be a family bringing a child home to love and raise as their own. Polly's sister had lots of kids, but for Polly, a very nurturing and loving soul, nieces and nephews only made her long even more for children of her own. Polly didn't let her circumstances bring her down. Instead, she embraced her nieces and nephews, her friend's children and the children she taught in Sunday school, loving them with all her heart. For some, she was a second mother. Others, she mentored as their only mother figure. But Polly's life took another turn for the worse when in mid-life she was widowed. Most would become bitter or angry. She did not. She continued to work each day and visit with family and friends. But she was lonely. She longed for companionship and a family to call her own. "Then one day, a very nice man asked her to marry him. They were married and she was happy. Would you like to know why? It was because he had a daughter and she had three daughters and a son. And now Polly was a mother and a grandmother, and best of all she had a family." Again, had this been a fairy tale, Polly and her new husband and family would have lived happily ever after. And for a while, they did. But life has a way of getting complicated as time moves forward. "Then the bad things began to happen. Her daughter got sick and finally went to heaven. Her daughter's husband missed his wife so much, he pined away and joined her in heaven. "Grandma Polly (as she became affectionately known) and her husband both got sick. For a couple of years, things went along very smoothly, but then Grandma Polly's husband got much worse and everyone was very sad." When Grandpa finally passed away, Grandma Polly was sad and quite scared. She didn't want to be alone, but her "family" was Grandpa's family. She wasn't sure what would happen now that Grandpa was gone. But finally, after all the struggles and sadness, the story earns a fairy tale ending. The beautiful family that Polly embraced as her own decades before embraced her right back. To her grandchildren, she was not just a "step-grandmother." Polly was truly their grandma. And while generations of nieces and nephews would have happily taken her in and cared for Polly, it would be her granddaughter's family who would insist on taking care of their Grandma Polly. Grandma Polly was overwhelmed. She was worried about being a burden, but she soon learned that her granddaughter's family needed her as much as she needed them. "They really, really love me. I'm not a nuisance. I'm ADOPTED!" It was not the adoption she prayed for as a young woman. But it resulted in the very happily ever after she always longed for and deserved. The excerpts in quotation marks above are from "Adopted, A Story About Love," written by Phyllis Villelli, my beautiful great aunt. The story was about her life. And I am proud to share it in her memory, in celebration of Mother's Day. ------- Micki Bare is a columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau and the Courier-Tribune in Asheboro, N.C., and author of the book, "Relative Expressions." She lives in Asheboro with her husband and three children. Her e-mail address is mickibare@inspiredscribe.com. |
